Mr Teatime visits Gamescom 2017…sort of

Mr Teatime visits Gamescom 2017…sort of


Tea: Green Ice Tea


Gamescom, the gaming event in my country, but sadly I could not be there this year. However, I sent a most capable replacement: Mrs Teatime went in my stead. Like last year, this is less about the big titles you already know about, but rather the hidden gems of the convention she managed to track down. At the end, both she and I decided on a winner and we both pretty much immediately came to the same conclusion. I hope you can find something on this list that piques your interest. Trailers to the games are linked in the title for your viewing pleasure.

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Devoting a thousand generations to beating up skeletons

Rogue Legacy


Tea: Peppermint


Since rogue-likes and Metroidvanias seem to be a stable go-to now for indie games, Rogue Legacy (a game I finally got around to playing last week) combines the two and delivers a solid, but far from perfect experience. What is more interesting than a normal review of the game is what can be drawn from this title for both Metroidvanias, rogue-likes and combinations of the two. Continue reading

How to make me not care about war



Tea: Assam


The latest movie by one of my favourite directors, Christopher Nolan, is the war-movie-not-really-a-traditional-war-movie Dunkirk. While I am a huge fan of Christopher Nolan, it does not blind me like other fans and I won’t accept everything he throws my way out of sheer gratitude. That being said, I am also not a huge fan of war movies like Saving Private Ryan and I haven’t even seen Hacksaw Ridge, because… well, this will me make sound even crazier than usual, but I think the horrors of war depicted in movies are often rather funny. I can never truly connect with anyone in a war movie because everything is so corny. (Exceptions to these rules are Apocalypse Now and Full Metal Jacket for obvious reasons). The following is therefore a movie review with a big asterisk attached to it that if you genuinely get an emotional punch from war movies with high degrees of realism, you will most likely massively enjoy Dunkirk, for the rest of you, well, I’ll get to that now: Continue reading

And his name is Euron Greyjoy!

Game of Thrones Season 7 Episode 2: Stormborn


Tea: Chai


After a disappointingly slow and drawn out first episode, the second one tries to ramp up the stakes, but ends up creating one of the most disastrous episodes in the entire series. Horrible dialogue, overused tropes, and perhaps the most disgusting scene transition to be put on any screen. Follow me through the second episode and brew a strong tea beforehand, because this will be rough ride. Continue reading

Sometimes all you need are squids



Tea: Pure crystal-clear water (not salt water though)


Whenever a game is described as “like game X, but…” I immediately grow suspicious as this either means the game is a direct carbon copy or game journalism has finally breathed its last breath. The new indulgence in calling everything “like Dark Souls” is annoying enough and Abzu was often described as “Journey but in the ocean” and while this does not sound like a solid argument to make you play the game, I played Abzu none the less and can now explain why it is nothing at all like Journey but rather a game on its own. Continue reading

A Crude Attempt

Until Dawn


Tea: Cocoa Tea


Until Dawn was praised last year as a bold new step in the horror genre with its pandering towards an “old school horror crowd” – a category as vapid and empty as most of the teens in this game. Now that I finally played it, the severe problems are all the more apparent. Being the pretentious-art-degree-holding-hipster that I am, I immediately hate what most people love and will now justify said hate. Continue reading

How can I break this? – Nioh

How can I break this? – Nioh


Tea: Mountain Herb Tea


The idea of breaking a certain medium apart to reveal its inner workings, the limits of it, and manufacturing new tools out of the remains is an idea I am taking from an excellent short essay by Tim Etchell in regard to theatre. In many ways Nioh sought to break apart the Souls games and the Ninja Gaiden games, and frankenstein something new out of them. As with every experiment like this, sometimes it might fail and somewhere else it might succeed. Today I want to take a look at the successes and failures and what can be learned for the future. Continue reading

The Angry River

The Angry River


I believe there is nothing wrong with blasting a young girl off a balcony because she is taking a photo of her fucking plastic coffee cup on the handrails set against the backdrop of a cloudy November morning. If anything should ever fall under the vague and vapid category of ‘common sense’, this would be it. There is simply nothing lost there. They will tell you about every single child desperately shoving a crayon up its nose, how it will become a world-famous brain surgeon and how this is evident by both the method and choice of colour he picked to lobotomise himself at an early age. The truth – and not the sad truth, since it really isn’t sad, mind you, except if you are into pedagogy, and if you are: fuck you – is that most people are wankers. If you think this is my entire character summed up in a nice court-proof statement to convince even the most extreme gun-wanking fascist of the guilt of a white man, then guess again. Continue reading

Preparing the Gallows for “Interactive Dramas”

Preparing the gallows for “Interactive Dramas”


Tea: Assam


This one is a bit overdue, isn’t it? I have often critiqued “interactive dramas”, like Telltale games, in my articles, but never quite taken the time to explain my immense disliking of them. Therefore, since it is far too warm outside for my taste and I just had a strong black tea, I will focus that energy and give my hatred written form and explain why exactly these “games” hardly qualify as such in my eyes. Also prepare for a lot of quotations marks, I am going to get as much mileage out of them as possible. Continue reading